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Statistics indicate that the divorce rate has been on the decline for nearly every age group - but for those nearing retirement age, the rate has nearly doubled in the past decade. This phenomenon, dubbed the “grey divorce” wave, is not specific to the United States either; the United Kingdom, Australia, and other developed nations are seeing rising rates of late-life divorces as well.
Researchers and analysts say the rate of late-in-life divorce has started to climb over the last decade because many couples in the Baby Boomer generation had either put off or not previously considered divorce. Divorce was more than just socially discouraged back then; it was thought to be inherently bad for children. Of course, we now know that the impact of divorce may vary, based on a variety of factors (i.e. the amount of parental conflict and the level of involvement that each parent has in the life of the child after the divorce, etc.), but parents from the Baby Boomer generation did not have this same information.
Going through a divorce is widely considered to be one of the most painful and difficult experiences that one can go through. In fact, many psychologists and grief counselors have compared the trauma of divorce to that of suddenly losing a close loved one (in terms of the emotional pain that it can cause). With this in mind, a growing number of people are seeking help during and after a divorce to help them to adjust in a healthy way.
Two of the most common options for coping with a divorce are support groups and professional therapy. Determining which one is right for you will help to ensure you are receiving the best possible assistance.
Support groups are typically comprised of people who are all going through (or have gone through) a similarly difficult event, such as divorce. While there may be someone who is in charge of the group to help keep things progressing properly, the actual support and advice will come from everyone in the group.
Going through a divorce is hard on parents, but it can be especially difficult for children. They are experiencing a range of emotions, and they might not understand how to deal with those emotions effectively. Reading books to your young children can help them to see that they are not alone, and what they are feeling is normal. Books can also show children how to deal with and express complex emotions. The following books would be a great place to start:
This sweet story tells of a young bear cub whose parents are getting divorced. Koko Bear goes through a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, sadness, and confusion. The best part of the book is that it offers advice to parents on how to help children with these emotions.
A sweet little picture book that tells about how divorce affects families. It has a “What About You” section that gives parents a number of questions that parents can ask their children. Ultimately, answering these questions can help the child to better understand and express their feelings.
Although the 2017 American Community Survey estimates the number of divorces is on the decline in Illinois, women still need to be aware of how to protect themselves financially, should divorce become inevitable. There are two common financial mistakes shared by a number of divorcing women - not only in Illinois but throughout the United States. By taking a proactive role and getting ahead of these common financial mistakes, women can save themselves a lot of frustration and be better prepared for their future.
In Illinois, there is a presumption that property acquired during the marriage is marital property, therefore it should be divided equitably. However, many women are unaware of the extent of their marital property, which may cause them to leave money on the table. Consider that marital property can include a variety of assets - from retirement accounts and offshore bank accounts to car collections and earnings on investments. It is important to immediately identify and determine the values of these items since knowing these values will allow for a more equitable share in the assets of the marriage.
Divorce can be a painful, heart-wrenching experience - particularly for those that miss the signs and have no prior knowledge of their spouse’s desire to end the marriage. That was what happened to one Iowa woman. Rather than allow herself to fall into self-pity, she threw herself into a creative and healing project that eventually turned into a thriving business.
In a feature from the Des Moines Storytellers Project, an Iowan woman revealed how she had turned the devastating news of her divorce into a healing adventure and lucrative business. “Kindred spirits” from the start, the couple had married in a whirlwind, just one year after they met. Over the course of 13 years, they went on many adventures and raised three children together. Then, one day, the husband said he wanted to end the marriage.
At the time, the middle-aged woman had no idea what to do with her life. Then she met another divorcing woman in her neighborhood who had been selling baked goods out of her house to make extra money. The two joined forces, and before they knew it, they were creating delicious pastries for some of the state’s most prestigious customers. Three years after starting their business, they took over a landmark building in Fort Madison and expanded the bake shop. A second location was opened in 2002, and the offers for cookbooks and book deals came pouring in. Eventually, the two women decided to sell off the original location, but they both continue to run the second one together.
The decision to get divorced is one you should take seriously. If children are involved, you should be especially diligent in making the right decision for the family unit. Divorce can hurt kids, even when the parents are agreeable, but the effect may far worse if the interactions between parents become toxic.
In knowing this, most parents put forth the effort to thwart toxicity in their situation. However, that is not always the case. Learn how continued toxicity in your divorce can negatively impact your children, and discover what you can do when faced with a parent who is consistently making poor, selfish, or negative decisions regarding your children and/or matters involving them in your Illinois divorce.
While each case may vary based on a range of factors (i.e. the temperament of the child, level of toxicity, the form of toxicity, or whether additional forms of abuse are present in the marriage or family environment, etc.), children who witness a toxic divorce situation often share similar traits and issues. Some of these include problems with:
If you are unable to raise your child with their other parent due to divorce, breakup, or any other reason, the state of Illinois will want you to have a legal parenting plan in place. This is a complex, and often emotional process that needs to be handled well for the benefit of your child, and yourself. When working on a parenting plan, make sure to consider the following essential concepts.
The most important thing to consider when working on a parenting plan is that it is all about your children, not yourself. It is tempting to fight to keep your child with you every day and ensure you are able to make every possible decision throughout their childhood. The fact is, however, that in the vast majority of cases it is better for the child to encourage them to have a close relationship with each parent, and for the parents to work together. Putting your child first may be hard, but it will help them to thrive long into the future.
Thanks to mounds of scientific research, the verdict on how to best help children after a divorce is clear: In most cases, children fare best when they have a healthy and consistent relationship with both of their parents. Ideally, that would include a lot of face-to-face time with the child, but not every divorced couple can stay in the same neighborhood, city, or state.
Just a short few years ago, families who lived far apart had to rely on phone conversations to stay connected. In-person visits, though scheduled as frequently as possible, rarely made up for the lack of face-to-face contact that occurred between the parent and child during their separation. Science says that technology is already starting to fill that gap - and its effect is only expected to improve over time.
Parent-child connections can be difficult to maintain after a divorce - and not just because of time or distance. In high-conflict situations (i.e. differing views on hot topic issues, such as discipline, religion, or values), parents may struggle to maintain civil communications.
Healing from the emotional turmoil of a divorce can be a long and grueling process - and not just because you must come to terms with the end of your marriage. Eventually, you must also deal with the person you were during the divorce.
You see, people often become the worst versions of themselves when under high amounts of stress. Few events in life are quite as stressful as a divorce, yet it is important to keep your composure as best as humanly possible. That does not mean you have to be perfect; mistakes are just a part of life. However, you can greatly minimize your chances of unnecessary regret after your divorce by working hard to achieve a peaceful outcome. Learn more in the following sections, including how the assistance of a seasoned divorce attorney can help.
1. Decide if Divorce Truly is Your Best Option
While every divorce situation is different, there is one thing that most couples have in common: they are separating because they cannot resolve their marital issues. In legal terms, this is known as “irreconcilable differences.” Of course, there are couples who maybe could reconcile their issues in therapy but opt not to do so, but these are few and far between. Most couples make every reasonable effort to keep their marriage intact - perhaps even going so far as to attend counseling or therapy (either independently or as a couple) to save their marriage.
Recently, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) announced that they intend to probe the private UBS accounts of 4,000 taxpayers. While one can only speculate how many of them are currently engrossed in a divorce, odds are, a healthy number of them could be trying to hide money from both the government and their spouse.
Those who are discovered stand to lose a lot.
In addition to the possibility of federal tax evasion charges and a loss or depreciation of their assets to cover back taxes, dishonest parties may lose a significant portion of their divorce settlement, as judges often penalize them by giving the disadvantaged party an additional award. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of divorcing parties may be probed by the IRS this year.
Thankfully, parties do not have to rely on the government to uncover hidden assets during their Illinois divorce. Instead, they simply need a seasoned and aggressive divorce team on their side.
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