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If you are in a high-conflict marriage and are seeking a divorce, you may begin to wonder if your spouse has a diagnosable mental issue such as a borderline personality disorder. Often, a skilled family law attorney can help reduce conflict in these tense divorce and custody proceedings.
Definition of Personality Disorders
The two common types of personality disorders are borderline personality disorders, which are more common in women, and narcissistic personality disorders, which are more common in men.
Borderline personality disorders are characterized by intense anger, mood swings, and idealization—and then devaluation—of another.
Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by a preoccupation with oneself to the exclusion of others. Sometimes, this person has a distorted sense of victimization, which results in intense anger and acting out. Other times, this person is detached from others, believes he is superior, and has a large sense of entitlement.
The debt we are responsible for can pile up on us, seemingly out of nowhere. In an economy that pays lower wages in comparison to a steadily increasing cost of living, more and more people are getting crushed under the weight of their debt. Filing for bankruptcy can be a way out. The two most common types of bankruptcy in Illinois are Chapter 7 and Chapter 13; each has their unique characteristics.
Chapter 7 Bankruptcy
Filing for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy is a way to obliterate your debt—a process where your debt assets are sold, your creditors receive outstanding payment, and you are released from the debt. It is important to understand that while a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy can eliminate your debt, you also lose possession of any of the property you filed inside of the Chapter 7.
In addition, not everyone qualifies for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. To qualify, you must earn less than the state median income on a monthly basis. Depending on your income levels, you may have to take a “means test.” The means test is designed to deduct your monthly expenses from the amount of money you make on a monthly basis. This test is done as a prerequisite to filing a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy.
In Illinois, the law places an obligation on both parents to support their children. After a thorough review of the finances, a court will determine how much one parent must pay the other in monthly child support.
The goal of child support, according to Illinois law, is to provide funds “reasonable and necessary for the support of the child, without regard to marital misconduct.” Under the law, parents have a duty to pay for the educational, physical, mental, and emotional health needs of the child.
There are standard child support guidelines in the law, and a court may deviate from the guidelines based on the child’s needs or the parent’s ability to pay. For example, it is likely that a court will order that the child’s standard of living, had the parents not divorced, be maintained.
Usually, the setting of child support will be based on a simple mathematical calculation. However, once the reality of paying child support hits or unforeseeable events change your circumstances, you may find yourself unable to meet your obligations.
Psychology experts tell us a variety of studies have shown that children of all ages tend to struggle with change, especially where routine is concerned. Divorce is easily one of the biggest threats to a child in terms of disruption of an established routine. This is particularly the case for young adults, due to age-related brain developments. Younger children have been shown to adapt with more ease when they feel safe, and when parents communicate with them about the changes happening in the household. Still, even younger children thrive on routine and rely on it to feel secure.
How Do You Know if Your Child is Struggling to Cope?
As a parent going through divorce, you have a whole range of challenges to deal with on your own. You experience many of the same emotions your child does, with the added pressure to care for him or her as well as yourself. In the midst of such big lifestyle changes, it is easy to miss signs that your child is having trouble adjusting to the divorce.
Although the effects of divorce can be far reaching and mentally draining for the whole family, the end of a marriage can be especially emotionally charged for the children. A number of factors can impact and shape the divorce experience for children, however.
Research shows that a majority of kids from divorced families actually adjust very well, and over a fairly short period of time. In fact, experts from Psychology Today report that studies reveal how 80 percent of children recover so well, most of them experience no lasting negative effects. These findings apply to all areas of life—social adjustments, educational performance, and overall health.
Helping Your Child Thrive
If you, like many parents, wish for your child to be among the 80 percent of kids who successfully bounce back from the divorce experience, there are multiple ways you can help promote the healing process. The following three strategies can arm you with the power you need to provide your children with the support they will require to survive, and also thrive, after your family has split:
As a divorcing parent, the pressures you face are amplified, as your responsibilities are nearly doubled due to the transitional needs of the entire family. Not only do you need to make living and financial arrangements for yourself while also looking after your physical and emotional health, you must make arrangements for any children you share with your spouse, too. A solid parenting agreement is essential when entering post-divorce life, as it will provide the legal blueprint for how you will continue to raise your child once you are separated.
Getting Organized
Although the pressure may be overwhelming as you address the allocation of parental responsibilities (child custody) and parenting time (visitation), there are a few ways to to help streamline the parenting plan process and ensure you start off on the right foot. Here are some key steps to drafting an effective parenting plan:
A surprising number of men end up paying child support for children who are not their own, biologically speaking. Establishing paternity has important legal ramifications. It is important that you move quickly and efficiently as there are important determinations for a father who wishes to challenge the paternity of a child.
Establishing Paternity
Paternity is phrase used to describe a legal relationship between a father and his child. In cases where parents were not married at the time the child was born, the father in the eyes of the court is regarded as the alleged father. An alleged father has not yet established a legal relationship with his child. The alleged father cannot be named on the child’s birth certificate until legal paternity has been established.
The way in which child support is calculated in Illinois is about to undergo a massive evolution this July 2017. For the first time in Illinois, the state is moving towards an “income sharing” model—a model that is used by various other states.
Under current Illinois law, the method of calculating child support is to use a fixed percentage of a nonresidential parent's net income. For example, if there is one child in a household, the court would calculate 20 percent of his or her parent's net income to determine what he or she is obligated to pay for child support.
How Are the Calculations Different?
Instead of using a fixed percentage, the law directs courts to consider variables outside of a parent's net income. Those variables include:
There are many different ways one can be victimized by abuse in a relationship. For some, the evidence of the abuse is worn on their body. Unexplained bruises, broken bones, and marks on the skin can be a tell tale indicator that someone is physically abused. However, when the abuse is emotional, it does not leave the same kinds of evidence. Moreover, when emotional abuse is the reason for a divorce, providing evidence of that abuse can present unique legal challenges.
Emotional abuse can affect your life in several different ways. Abuse can cause you to miss days at work or be less focused, which therefore results in the minimization of your earning capability. It can cause you to be distracted at times when losing focus is dangerous—i.e. when you are driving. Emotional abuse is no small matter, even if it does not leave physical marks.
Emotional Abuse and Child Custody
It is common for people to remain plugged into their electronic devices for much of their day. Whether it is sharing pictures of their children, their dinner, or pets, posting images online has become a part of our daily lives. Moreover, those posts can also become part of a divorce proceeding.
What Kind of Communications are Admissible in a Divorce?
The communications you have can become admissible at trial. For example, an email or a text message can be admissible in court, and certain circumstances can even be subpoenaed. Social media posts can be used in a divorce proceeding as well. If one party fails to disclose a promotion at work, or boasts about being able to hide assets and then gloats about it on social media, those posts can become part of the trial.
Will Blocking My Spouse Help?
Blocking your spouse may help; however, it is not a foolproof way of preventing him or her from being able to use a social media post against you. A spouse who has been blocked still has access to your friends' social media posts. If one spouse goes on an expensive trip with a friend, and that friend posts pictures of the trip, then that post can be used at trial to prove that one spouse is not honest about his or her financial situation.
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