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Things You Should Never Say to Your Child While Going Through a Divorce

Posted on in Child Custody

Wheaton divorce lawyersDivorce can dredge up a lot of anger and resentment toward your spouse - especially if you are not the one who filed. Yet, as a parent, it is critical that you remember your child is the innocent party, and they need love and support from both their parents to help them cope. Increase your chances of meeting their needs by avoiding the saying the following things to your child during and after the divorce process, and discover how a seasoned divorce lawyer can further decrease the chances that your child will suffer from maladjustment issues down the road. 

Your Mother/Father is a “Deadbeat” (and Other Negative Names)

Children are half of each parent, so when one parent attacks the other, the child may start to think that there is something wrong with them as well. So, regardless of what your ex is doing (or has done in the past) do your best to try and keep your opinions about them to yourself. If you need to talk about your spouse’s behavior or the details of the divorce, turn to family or friends who are on your side or make an appointment with a therapist or with a support group. Just make sure that your child is not within earshot when discussing such issues. 

You Make Things Harder Than They Should Be

Children are already at risk for internalizing the divorce, meaning they may blame themselves. By telling them that they are being difficult or making things harder than they need to be, you are validating their worst fears: their parents split up because of them. That belief can cause a lifetime of emotional issues for a child, including (but not limited to) depression, anxiety, and difficulty maintaining healthy intimate relationships. 

Mommy/Daddy Did Not Want to Be a Family Anymore

You might think you can appease your child's desire to understand why the marriage ended by telling them that your spouse simply did not want to be a “family” anymore, but families are not just married couples with children. They are aunts and uncles, grandparents, and blended stepfamilies, and by narrowing the concept, you are essentially telling your child that their mother or father no longer loved them. As an adult, you know that is not the case. It was not their relationship with the child that ended the marriage; it was their relationship with you (or even perhaps themselves). 

I Miss You Too Much When You Are Gone

While it is difficult to share your child with your spouse, who probably lives in another home, it is important for your child to have that time with their other parent. Telling them that you missed them “too much” makes that time about you, and it can make your child feel guilty for leaving you. Instead, try welcoming them home and then ask about what they did while with their other parent. If they have photos to share or souvenirs, let them show you and ask about the stories behind them. You can also deal with your own feelings by taking up a new hobby or spending time with friends. 

How Our DuPage County Divorce Lawyers Can Help

Creating a parenting plan that respects your child’s need to spend time with your ex is no easy task, but the seasoned divorce lawyers at Davi Law Group, LLC can help. If there are concerns over your child’s safety or well-being while they are with their other parent, we can attempt to have that time supervised or limited - and we can do it without putting your child in the middle. Start by scheduling a personalized consultation with one of our DuPage County divorce lawyers. Call 630-580-6373 today. 



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