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Wheaton divorce attorneysMost people view divorce as a failure of their marriage, but relationship experts say this is not always the case. In fact, people often grow and mature during their marriage, and divorce can be a part of that process. Learn more in the following sections, including how a seasoned divorce attorney can help you successfully navigate the ins and outs of an Illinois divorce. 

Human Relationships Can Promote Personal Growth

When you are single, the only person you really have to worry about is yourself. In contrast, marriage encourages you to put the needs and feelings of others before your own. Relationships can also help you see where you need to grow. For example, marriage can reveal your tendency to act with selfishness or immaturity. It can also help you to see where you need to act more responsibly (i.e. managing money, etc.). Of course, few people enter their marriages with this mindset, which is why divorce is typically seen as a failure. Yet, experts say that choosing a divorce - especially when you have grown apart or outgrown your relationship - can be the most mature decision one can make. It can also indicate you are not overly fearful of change and personal growth, both of which are unavoidable when you end a relationship. 

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Wheaton divorce lawyersDivorce is one of the more emotionally trying situations in life, so it is no surprise that many people want to move on shortly after it is over. There is such a thing as moving on too quickly, however, and it has nothing to do with the feelings of your ex-spouse. Learn how you can find love and happiness again (and when you should start to pursue it) with some help from the following information. 

Relationships During Divorce Proceedings

Some parties chose to move on before their divorce has been finalized. Most of these relationships are short-lived, unfortunately, because the individual was not fully ready for the emotional challenges that tend to arise during and immediately after the divorce process. Grief and a sense of loss are common and to be expected. Anger and bitterness may come into play as well. That is not to say you cannot have a relationship while navigating your divorce; just know that it is likely to be far more difficult to keep the new romance alive and healthy while dealing with the end of your marriage. 

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Posted on in Divorce

DuPage County divorce attorneysDivorce can be a complete upheaval of your life, and it may even cost you some family and friends. Yet, as cruel as it sounds, life does go on. The trick is to know how to take those first steps to a more independent future. Whether you are the one who filed, were caught off-guard, are just starting out on your divorce, or have recently completed it, the following may be able to help you jumpstart your life and move forward after the divorce.

Do Something Nice for Yourself

After months of dealing with your ex, the courts, and possibly even creditors, you deserve to do something positive for yourself. Purchase an item you have been wanting. Schedule yourself for a manicure or a massage. Go out with friends and have a celebration. Do whatever your heart desires because you have just been through the wringer. Now it is time to reboot, recharge, and prepare for the future.

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Spousal Support After a Divorce

Alimony, also known as spousal support, is intended to provide a financial cushion for divorced spouses who find themselves at a financial disadvantage after the end of the marriage, often because they declined to further pursue their education or career in order to care for the family. As traditional gender roles shift, it is increasingly common for ex-husbands to turn to the court to require their ex-wives to pay them spousal support. Although women, in general, still earn less than men in this country, many wives contribute significantly or solely to the family’s finances.

The Process of Deciding on Alimony Amounts

Some former spouses are able to come to an agreement about the amount of alimony that the more financially advantaged spouse will provide to the other spouse, either independently or with the help of a divorce lawyer.

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Posted on in Visitation

visitation orderThere are many reasons why a parent might wish to change the conditions of his or her visitation order. Some of the most common include a change of schedule, preventing the parent from taking advantage of the originally scheduled visitation times; a move to another location, further or closer to the place where the other parent lives; failure of a parent to follow the schedule; or a choice to not visit the child.

Under Illinois law, existing visitation orders can be changed at any time. The primary consideration for a judge, who will review your request for a modification, is whether the change is in the best interests of the child. A child’s best interests can be determined based on the desires of the child, the preferences of one or both parents, the strength of the parent-child relationship, the mental and physical health of the parents and child, and countless other factors.

Before Going to Court

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dating during divorce processThere are a multitude of articles and blog posts expressing opinions about the consequences of people dating during the divorce process. The problem is that most of those posts contain conflicting information, and include some facts and a lot of fiction. This post aims to explain a bit about what issues dating during divorce may actually pose.

What You Really Need to Know

  • One very real danger of dating during the divorce process involves the concept of dissipation. Dissipation occurs when one spouse uses marital property for something solely for his or her own benefit and unrelated to the marriage, at a point where the marriage is breaking down. Money spent on new relationships commonly falls within the definition of dissipation. Birthday or anniversary presents for your new boyfriend/girlfriend, inviting them to join you on vacation, or even taking them to a nice event in downtown Chicago, can all become the basis of a dissipation claim your soon to be ex’s attorney may bring against you.

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children-parent bonding after divorceWhen child custody and support matters are added into the divorce mix, issues may be compounded and emotions can arise quickly. Of course, every case involving child custody has different factors and circumstances involved, but in many cases, both parents wish to have custody of their minor children and have their own ideas about what children need during and after divorce. A recently published article suggests some commonly accepted advice regarding children’s needs after divorce may be missing the mark.

Stability

Normally, divorcing parents may be focused on providing their children with as much routine and structure as possible to provide them with the perceived necessary stability through their divorce. However, according to the article referenced above, recent studies suggest that stability may have a different meaning to the children themselves. Experts are saying that what children really want and need in order to thrive in light of their parents divorce is open access to both parents.

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life after divorceMany people who have been through the process of divorce may consider it one of the worst times in their life. Anything from contentious legal battles to lingering bitter feelings about the marriage can contribute to this view. However, not everyone has the same experiences with divorce. Some see it as a new beginning and another chance at being happy. According to a recent article, a family law attorney from Arizona published a book framing the concept of divorce in a new light, and urging others to do the same.

Path to a Happier Life

The book referenced above focuses on talking about the process of divorce as a pathway to a happier life. The book reportedly contains strategies that people who are divorcing can employ in order to more easily navigate the process of divorce and move on with their lives, all while seeing such change as a positive thing. The author’s purported desire with the book is to reshape the conversation about divorce, especially in the beginning stages. She suggests that if people are able to change their thinking about divorce in this way, they may approach the process of divorce in a more collaborative and healing way, which can lead to more positive outcomes. This new approach would ideally serve to better support each family member after divorce, children and adults included.

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child learning in schoolWhen a family is experiencing difficulty, very often the focus turns to the well-being of any children involved. Parents are likely concerned with how children cope with such situations and the chances they will emerge from such huge life changes relatively unscathed. While much evidence suggests that kids who go through their parents’ divorce can deal with the event successfully, certain factors, such as stability and support, must be in place in order to give them the best chances at doing so. In other situations, a difficult home life may directly contribute to challenges children face in their everyday lives, as is pointed out by a recently published article.

A New Approach

One area that may be significantly impacted when children are experiencing problems at home is in their learning at school. These problems can include anything from a parent’s unemployment, to violence, a marital separation or divorce. Each of these scenarios create unstable home environments that lead to challenges for children at home. Often, kids who are living under such circumstances have upsetting feelings about them which they may struggle with and which affects their behavior, therefore affecting their school day.

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divorcing retirees

A divorcing couple’s finances are often one of the largest issues to be addressed by their lawyers and a judge in court. It is usually assumed that the spouse who benefits from a financial award has prevailed. However, a financial article recently suggested that other factors may be more important than money in a divorce, especially for retirees and those about to retire.

Lasting Effects

The repercussions of a decision in a divorce case last far beyond the end of the case, and can even be felt years down the road. Retirement plans made by a couple when they were married can be completely upheaved when they divorce, leaving two single people to make new plans for retirement. Items of property that were assigned to one side over another may be difficult to sell, or may be only of sentimental value. Other non-financial factors, such as family visitation, are also important, despite the lack of financial value.

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Posted on in Family Law

blended familiesOver the years, many stereotypes have arisen about stepfamilies. From tales involving evil stepmothers to television shows depicting the perfect mix of complementary stepsiblings, it seems the public portrayal of blended families may have experienced a shift in our culture. A recent article suggests that the idea of the perfect blended family is unrealistic and that stepfamilies should be viewed in a more realistic, and less traditional, sense.

Outdated Terms

The author of the article suggests terms such as “broken family,” “co-wives,” and “blended family” are not only outdated, but in many ways, offensive. These terms promote inaccurate views of divorce, suggest strange versions of relationships, and imply ignorance about the reality of stepfamily life. All of these presuppositions, the author says, contribute to unrealistic expectation of family life and result in divorce in many cases.

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Posted on in Divorce

children of divorce, life after divorce, children, divorce, DuPage County divorce lawyerMany parents who decide to divorce are primarily concerned with how the breakdown of the family will affect their children. The time after a divorce is finalized will certainly be a period of adjustment, but adjusting is not always as traumatic for children as some divorced parents may fear. In fact, some kids adjust surprisingly well to their parents’ divorce, particularly those whose parents provide them with love and attention and focus on their well being throughout the divorce while keeping them shielded from conflict and anxiety.

Look for Signs

A recent article suggests the following signs show that children are coping well with their parents’ divorce:

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parenting time, parenting, children of divorce, child custody, shared parenting, life after divorceA recently published article discussed the problem that some parents face in child custody disputes and the changes that some are calling for in order to level the playing field. Many parents who are involved in divorce cases where children are involved face the possibility of a diminished parent-child relationship. The parent who is not the custodial parent often becomes just a visitor in the eyes of the family. Because of this perceived inequity, many parents who lose out on significant time with their children are trying to make changes to the legal process.

Shared Parenting

Advocates of equal parenting time are trying to get legislation passed that would divide custodial time more fairly between both parents. Their position is that children are better served when they spend equal time with both of their parents. These parents are against laws that would award custody to one parent over another, except in cases where one of the parents is deemed by the court to be unfit. Their proposed legislation would include a clause that mandates both parents get a minimum percentage of parenting time with their children each week.

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children of divorce, childhood obesity, life after divorce, parenting, Illinois divorce attorneyParents who divorce often worry about their children’s well being throughout the process and after the family is split up. It is undoubtedly a challenging time for children and their parents. A new article suggests that one of the things parents should add to their list of concerns when they divorce is whether their child will struggle with excessive weight gain.

Children’s Weight Gain after Divorce

New research is suggesting that children of divorced parents often struggle with weight gain when their parents part ways. A study was done of 3,000 kids in Norway in the third grade, which found that boys were especially prone to weight gain in connection with their parents’ divorce. the study found that boys of divorced parents had a 63 percent higher chance of being classified as either obese or overweight than boys whose parents were married. The same group was found to have a 104 percent higher chance of being abdominally obese.

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Posted on in Divorce

divorce, life after divorce, stress, DuPage County family law attorneys, Illinois divorce lawyerThe breakdown of a couple’s marriage is usually a difficult experience to endure. Divorce can involve a total lifestyle change for those involved, not to mention the many feelings and emotions that it can bring up. A recent article suggests ways to cope with the unsettling and painful feelings that often accompany divorce.

Moving on After Divorce

One thing that most people probably agree on is that divorce is often hurtful, no matter the reasons or circumstances surrounding it. Divorce not only causes feelings of loss and disappointment, but also brings with it a disruption of routine and other relationships, as well as uncertainty about the future.

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Posted on in Divorce

co-parenting, divorce, children of divorce, life after divorce, Illinois divorce lawyerWhile a divorce decree may signal the end of the road for you and your ex-spouse as a couple, you will still remain in each other’s lives if there are children involved. Just because the marriage has been dissolved does not relieve either party of their parenting responsibility. Like it or not, there will still be shared parenting responsibilities with an ex-spouse and it is in the children’s best interest for their parents to work together amicably and efficiently.

Tips for Co-Parenting with an Ex-Spouse

It may be a challenge for parents to put personal issues and feelings aside to form a cordial relationship with their ex-spouse for the benefit of their shared children. However, divorced parents should look at this as a new start and always put their children’s need before their own.

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Posted on in Divorce

divorce stress, divorce tips, DuPage County, family law, family lawyer, family law attorney, divorce lawyerDivorce is a painful process--legally, financially, and emotionally. Considering the immense strain placed on involved partners, it is important to consider some tips for coping with the pressures of divorce.

Dealing with Stress When dealing with a divorce, it is helpful to keep in mind the following:
  • Take Time to Mourn - Divorce is a type of loss. The family and living situation you once had is no more. Recognize that it is perfectly normal to feel a mixture of emotions, such as anger, confusion, regret, and loneliness. Give yourself some time to heal.
  • Keep Physically Fit - Divorce can lead to stress, anger, tension, anxiety, and a host of other toxic feelings. A physical fitness routine can be the best medicine for such ailments. Exercise regularly. Plan regular trips to the gym. Even going on a 20-minute walk can do wonders for your well-being. Do anything that gets your body moving. In addition to exercise, be sure to eat healthy and nutritious meals, and make sure to get an adequate amount of rest.
  • Use Your Social Network - Divorce can take a serious toll on your emotions, and spending time with your friends and family can be a healing balm. Do not be afraid to reach out to your loved ones to discuss your feelings and struggles. Surround yourself with positive people. It is not unusual for friends that you and your spouse shared to take sides in a divorce. Understand that you may lose some friends through the ordeal, but you can start now to build a support system of people who care for you and who can help.
  • Find Helpful Hobbies - Many individuals going through a divorce find relief in picking up old hobbies that they used to enjoy, or venturing out to discover new interests. Finding things that you enjoy can be a great source of happiness and healing.
  • Do Not Make Decisions Under Duress - One of the challenges in going through a divorce is the need to make decisions that will have long-term effects, even for the rest of your life. The decisions include matters dealing with finances, family homes, custody arrangements, and the like. It can be challenging to think clearly when handling the emotional strain of a dissolving marriage. Try not to make such important decisions when in the throes of distress.
  • Seek the Help of Skilled Professionals - Understand that there are trained professionals with the skills to help you through a divorce. A skilled attorney can be a trusted advisor who will not only help you understand your legal rights, but also aid you in making the difficult decisions mentioned above. In addition to legal advisors, many divorcing individuals find it helpful to talk to a therapist. Some therapists even specialize in helping people that are facing divorce.
Illinois Family Law Attorneys If you are considering divorce and have questions about how an Illinois court will deal with your property and children, it is vital that you contact a skilled lawyer. The attorneys at the Davi Law Group, LLC are dedicated to helping individuals involved in divorce proceedings understand their rights in Chicago, Wheaton, Warrenville, and many other nearby communities. Contact us today to learn more.

newly divorced, lawyer, attorney, dating, life after divorce, Illinois DuPage CountyDivorce brings major life changes along with it. Many times, those involved in a divorce must move to a new home, change their lifestyle, and even change jobs. In picking up the pieces and starting over, some may find comfort in forming new relationships. When entering into a new romantic relationship in this situation, many questions arise. You may be tempted to jump back into the dating pool, but beware. Whether you are going through a divorce or are just newly divorced, a recent article suggests that having a member of the opposite sex spend the night is a huge mistake.

 Where Children are Involved Especially in cases where a divorcing or newly divorced spouse has children to consider, having overnight guests is generally frowned upon. Children of divorced parents are likely already dealing with a host of complex issues, and handling a variety of mom or dad’s dates does not need to be one of them. If a divorcing or divorced parent want to pursue a romantic relationship, they should probably do so outside the presence of the children, no matter how old they are. Even if children are older, the example being set by parents engaging in a sexual relationship outside of marriage is not necessarily a good one.  Legal Implications For those parents entertaining overnight guests around their children while in the middle of a custody case, doing so may have serious legal implications in court. The situation may bring up the issue of cohabitation, which is especially relevant in determining child support or alimony payments, particularly if the situation is provided for in the divorce decree. This could result in one parent being financially penalized for having their romantic partner staying in their home. Entertaining multiple overnight guests may have further custodial issues regarding legal or physical custody of the children. The opposing party may try to argue that having overnight guests is evidence of poor judgment and is harming the child. Issues like this that arise between parents may lead a judge to believe that they would be unable to make joint decisions regarding the children, causing one parent to have primary custody when it otherwise could have been joint. Even if the romantic relationship involves just one partner, they may become a part of your custody case as a factor to be evaluated in the court making a custody determination. If one parent is in a relationship with someone who will be around the children consistently, they will need to be evaluated and considered in the judge’s decision.  Even if Children are Not Involved In cases of divorce where the couple does not have children, refraining from having overnight guests is usually a smart move. Specifically in cases involving control or abuse, participating in a romantic relationship while divorce proceedings are still pending or just recently ended may spark jealousy in the ex-spouse and cause a violent reaction. Further, if one spouse is still living in the marital home, the other may still have access to the residence or view it as theirs as well. If the displaced spouse discovers their ex in the marital home, it may lead to an explosive situation or to more controlling behavior down the road, even if those issues did not exist previously.  Divorce Attorney If you or someone you know is considering divorce, it is a good idea to speak to an experienced divorce attorney in the Chicago area about your options. Contact the knowledgeable lawyers at Davi Law Group, LLC today for a consultation.

The “mother-in-law” has historically been the brunt of many comedic one liners. How many mothers-in-law does it take to screw in a light bulb? None – she always gets the son-in-law to do it! How many mothers-in-law does it take to ruin a marriage? - Just one, mine!

If you and your spouse are entering into divorce proceedings there is probably more involved in your decision to divorce than either of your respective mother-in-laws. It is not about light bulbs or your mother-in-law is responsible for the deterioration of your marriage. Although you may chuckle at the mother-in-law zingers, you may actually enjoy spending time with your spouse’s mother. You both just recently broke the news to your families. The silence was deafening. The wall went up. Blood is thicker than water. You have been worried and apprehensive about the upcoming divorce proceedings. Trying to keep a teary eye on the kids, meeting with your divorce attorney and struggling to maintain composure. Staying in touch with your spouse’s family members on the same level of pre-divorce kinship crosses your mind occasionally. Will the divorce automatically extinguish your relationship with your in-laws? With children involved there will likely be some type of civil exchange, but what can you do to salvage the bond you created? Time heals all wounds. Your in-laws are no different. Will the relationship weather the storm? It can.  When you feel you are navigating calmer waters, take a moment and put pen to paper. This maybe the best way to reach out to begin the healing process.

Wait for the Right Time

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Posted on in Divorce

 life after divorce IMAGEDivorce can be an emotional and heartbreaking experience for a family or individual. However, a new study, published in the Journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, suggests that individuals who have endured hardships, like divorce, are more appreciative of the good things in life. The authors of the study note, “The worst experiences in life may come with an eventual upside, by promoting the ability to appreciate life’s small pleasures.” Conducted by Alyssa Croft, Elizabeth W. Dunn and Jordi Quoidbach, their research reveals how “individuals who had dealt with more adversity in the past reported an elevated capacity for savoring.” However, of the 14,986 adult participants, those who were in the midst of a crisis reported a decrease in tendency to savor positive events. While it is natural to feel down when going through a crisis, this study confirms that an appreciation for life is built through these experiences, and that there is hope for moving on. For those struggling to heal and move on, Terry Gasbard, a licensed clinical social worker and college instructor, offers six suggestions. Gasbard’s analysis begins with assuring divorcees that it is normal to be affected by emotional reactions caused by the ending of a relationship, and that despite the divorce, those individuals are still worthwhile and do not have to allow the end of their love relationship to define their self-worth. She states, “No person can complete you.” She also suggests allowing proper time for healing and staying open to “new experiences, hobbies, or interests” that could not pursued prior to divorce. Finally, she suggests forming supportive relationships. Gasbard says, “Being with people who accept and support you can help ease feeling of rejection. Get energized by the possibilities ahead for you.” If you are struggling with divorce in Illinois, please know you do not have to go through it alone. Contact an experienced DuPage Family Law Attorney who will compassionately guide you through the legal process.

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