Kids May Handle Divorce Well

 Posted on July 15, 2014 in Divorce

Many parents who decide to divorce are primarily concerned with how the breakdown of the family will affect their children. The time after a divorce is finalized will certainly be a period of adjustment, but adjusting is not always as traumatic for children as some divorced parents may fear. In fact, some kids adjust surprisingly well to their parents’ divorce, particularly those whose parents provide them with love and attention and focus on their well being throughout the divorce while keeping them shielded from conflict and anxiety.

Look for Signs

A recent article suggests the following signs show that children are coping well with their parents’ divorce:

They are acting like their usual selves. Kids who interact with their parents and go through their days as usual are exhibiting good signs that they are handling divorce well. Any noticeable changes in looks or behavior should be addressed early.

They are happy to spend time with their parent. Kids who are angry will likely show it and ignore their parent in an effort to spend more time alone. On the other hand, kids who are generally happy will enjoy attention from their parent and time spent with them, just as they had prior to the divorce.

They ask questions about the divorce and what things will be like going forward. It is normal for kids to worry a bit about what their life will be like after the divorce and the well-being of their other parent. All communication with children should be open and honest but still appropriate.

They feel comfortable talking about their time spent with the other parent. Kids who adjust well to divorce enjoy open communication with both parents and do not feel the need to compete for their parent’s attention or feel guilt about their relationship with the other parent.

They maintain their grades and behavior at school. If their grades are starting to suffer or they experience behavioral problems, divorced parents should take action by speaking with teachers and counselors as well as the child to find out how they can help.

They continue to have healthy friendships. When children lose friends after divorce, it may be due to feelings of guilt or shame or because they express their frustrations with their friends who may not understand what they are going through.

They remain involved in extracurricular activities. Kids who suddenly stop participating in activities they used to love may be struggling with things that are happening at home.

They are compassionate towards others. Kids who are happy and well-adjusted show concern for others who are hurting. Troubled children tend to act out and show little concern for others’ feelings or have lost their ability to be caring.

They talk about the future. Happy children are excited about upcoming events such as birthdays, holidays, or vacations. They exhibit enthusiasm for life.

They are affectionate with their parents. Kids who are well-adjusted happily give and receive hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement from their parents as signs of affection. If kids avoid contact, it may be a sign they are having a hard time coping with divorce.

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